Variety Talk Series

JON STEWART:  Thank you.  Thank you.  Without the music it really feels very judgmental.  I gotta tell you.  Everybody's staring, going, "It's been 10 seconds.  Entertain us."  To everybody on television, I just want to tell you cling to it as long as you can.  Like death.  Like in "The Titanic," the guy who was -- cling to it.  I have been off of television for six weeks, seven weeks, whatever it is.  This is the first applause I've heard.
(Laughter.)

It is a barren wasteland out there where they say hello, whatever, but did you know -- okay.  You have craft services.  Okay.  Out in the world there are tables with food, but you can't take it.
(Laughter.)

It costs money.  Very little of it is gluten-free or vegan.  Anyway, these people, I love desperately.  I will never work with a group of people like this.  I will never have an experience like this again.  Comedy Central blessed me with this, and these guys did all the work.  And LL Cool J, I think, was referring to me as a new jack, I believe.  I was the new jack.

LL COOL J:  Yeah, you were.

JON STEWART:  Sounds better out of him.  Thank you so very much.  You will never have to see me again.  Thank you.